Money was no object when the time came for Joan Lunden to find a senior care facility for her 88-year-old mother.

For years, the former host of "Good Morning America" had been a long-distance caregiver to her mother and brother in California, providing them with emotional and financial support from New York. After her brother's death from complications from type II diabetes, Lunden needed to find a new home for her mother, who was suffering from the onset of dementia.

It was 2006 when Lunden flew from New York to Sacramento and drove around in search of a new home for her mom. She settled on an apartment in one of the fanciest senior communities in town, where her mother, Gladyce Lunden, would have the option of entertaining guests in her home or meeting other residents in a ballroom-style dining space.

It didn't take long for Lunden to realize that she'd chosen a place for the mother she knew 15 years ago, not the one who had been depending on her brother for the last decade. Gladyce Lunden didn't want to spend time with other residents, nor was she capable of living on her own.

"On paper, it was spectacular, but it didn't serve her needs at all," Lunden said. "She was completely stressed out and her emotional situation was deteriorating because she didn't feel safe... she couldn't operate on her own on a daily basis."

It took several falls, a few broken bones and three more moves to find the right place. She now shares a ranch-style home with four others in a small residential care facility. There's a health care aide on site at all times to help her get dressed or take care of daily needs.

"She needed more hands-on, day-to-day care," Lunden said. "I didn't understand that because I wasn't living with her."

Trying to create the best possible quality of life for an aging relative is "the new normal" for 43.5 million Americans caring for someone older than 50, according to the Family Caregiver Alliance.

It's not just their parents: With about 10,000 baby boomers hitting age 65 each day, they're becoming caregivers and also those needing care. With people living longer than ever, this is the first generation that might care for its parents as long as it cared for its children, experts said.

"Now that more baby boomers are aging. the issue of family caregiving is becoming much more commonplace. We call it the 'new normal,'" said Lynn Feinberg, senior policy adviser for AARP.

The average caregiver in 2009 was a 49-year-old woman who had a job outside the home and spent nearly 20 hours per week providing unpaid care to her mother, according to a 2011 AARP Public Policy Institute study.

The report estimated the overall economic value of family caregiving at $450 billion, based on 42.1 million caregivers 18 or older providing an average of 18.4 hours of care per week.

Responsibilities vary, from driving an aunt to physician appointments, managing medication for a spouse or keeping tabs on mom from afar using the latest technology.

Many don't see themselves as caregivers but simply spouses, children or siblings doing what's expected. For that reason, they often fail to use resources that might help their relative or themselves, Lunden said.

The first step is acknowledging the need and seeking help, ideally, before entering crisis mode, she and other experts said.

"This is the nation's next big health crisis," Lunden said. "We have to get focused and tuned in because if we're clueless, we're going to get hit upside the head when it happens in the middle of a family emergency."

Caregiving is also much more complicated than it was in previous generations because of fragmentation within the health care system, with several doctors often required to treat one person, said AARP's Feinberg. Cutbacks in long-term and community-based services have also put a strain on families to do more individually.

"There is a greater awareness about these issues and the joys and struggles of family caregivers," Feinberg said. "But we have a long way to go to develop policy solutions to make life better for families."

Lunden's experience inspired her to share the trials, tribulations and rewards of family caregiving. She wrote a "Chicken Soup for Soul" and tours the country giving talks on the topic.

It starts with a conversation, ideally, before a health crisis occurs, to get everyone on the same page, she said.

"Nobody wants to talk about their mortality or think about themselves getting old," Lunden said. "There's the thought that you go straight to the nursing home to die and that's not the case."

There are questions everyone should ask, she said.

Does your loved one have advanced health care insurance? How much does it cover and how long does it last? What about an advanced health care directive or a will? Where's the mortgage, the title to the car, stocks and bonds? Who in the family should have power of attorney, legal and medical, to keep track of end of life wishes and ensure they're carried out?

Lunden didn't have the answers when she found herself urgently searching for a new residence for her mother. She realized later she spent time digging through piles of books and magazines looking for her mother's license when she should have been talking to her about what she wanted in a new home.

The situation took a turn for the better when she connected with a senior advocate. They talked about her mother's medical condition, level of independence, behavioral ticks, nutritional needs and hobbies. They also talked about location and financial resources to narrow the options.