If you don't like mangoes, look away now.
This article includes a "mango" word count well in excess of what is normally reasonable.
It features mango culinary demonstrations, mango samplings, mango lectures, mango medics, a mango auction and even a mango summit.
That's because I attended the International Mango Festival, held in the Fairchild Tropical Botanic Garden in Miami earlier this month.
It's an annual event, one that draws enthusiasts, like myself, and also mango "experts" who gather to talk, taste and slurp their way around this sweetest, drippiest of fruits.
I imagine most are still reading.
After all, who doesn't like mangoes?
The United States is the world's biggest importer of mangoes, buying in more than 300,000 tons of them in 2010, worth around $280 million, according to the UN's FAO figures.
That's not as much bananas -- in the same year the U.S. imported more than 4 million tons of bananas, worth nearly $2 billion.
But clearly we have a liking for this red-yellow fruit.
My mission, I decided, was to try and discover if there is such a thing as a "perfect" mango, and if so, where I could find it.
Hundreds of varieties
It's not as absurd a mission as you might think -- there are an estimated one thousand mango varieties grown around the world, the Fairchild Garden has a collection of 600 types, and they're all quite different.
"Surprisingly, only 20 of those are commercially traded," says Noris Ledesma, the curator of tropical fruit for Fairchild's Tropical Fruit Program.
"The most common are Tommy Atkins, Ataulfo, Kent and Keitt. With the exception of Ataulfo, which is from Mexico, all other varieties are from Florida."
Mangoes were introduced to the United States in the early 1900s by David Fairchild, the then manager of the Office of Seed and Plant Introduction of the U.S. Department of Agriculture.
His global seed explorations brought thousands of seeds, plants and crops into the country, including the mango.
Originally from South Asia, the mango moved to Africa, then South America and the Caribbean. Fairchild brought the mango into the U.S. from India.
For Dr. Richard Campbell, director of horticulture and senior curator of tropical fruit at the Fairchild, mangoes are "a special fruit that have everything: aromas, flavors, colors and culture.
"They bring out passion and appeal to the common man and to the most sophisticated."
So where should I start on my perfect mango mission?
"Mangoes from Indonesia do not taste the same as mangoes from India, Hawaii or Mexico. It's just geography," says Dr. Campbell.
So perhaps I should start close by -- in Florida.
Florida produces the majority of mangoes in the United States, and it turns out South Floridians are exceptionally confident with their mango selections.