FLAGLER COUNTY, Fla. — Deputies in northeast Florida said a 52-year-old man had a “pee-brained” idea after being taken into custody following a traffic stop.
According to the Flagler County Sheriff’s Office, James Shepard was on his way to a “court-ordered drug class,” but was pulled over for driving on a suspended license, “a violation of the felony probation he was already serving for multiple burglaries and thefts,” and was taken into custody.
Authorities said while he didn’t have a valid driver’s license, Shepard, of Palm Coast, did have something called a “Whizzinator,” described by the sheriff’s office as “a bogus bladder of fake (we hope) urine wired to a heating pad with a faux pizzle to make it convincing.”
Video released by FCSO ― which can be viewed above ― shows Shepard whipping the “Whizzinator” from his pants and chucking in onto the floor of the cruiser and then claiming the item wasn’t his, authorities said.
The deputy was not pleased.
“James, I have you on video pulling out a pee bag and a dildo out of your pants, OK?” the deputy says. “I’m not stupid. I clean this car every day. I’m responsible for what is in this car. I would know if there’s a pee bag and a godd--- dildo in my car.”
In an agency Facebook post, Sheriff Rick Staly said that Shepard, whom he described as a “pee-brain dirtbag,” had already gotten “the deal of a lifetime, walking around on community control when he should have been sitting in a prison cell for almost a decade.”
“Shepard terrorized our home construction businesses and had stolen enough appliances to open an appliance store but was only sentenced to community control when his own sentencing scoresheet had him eligible for a minimum of 9 years in prison,” the sheriff said. “Now he has a stream of new charges after flushing away a second chance to turn his life around. Instead, he tried to trick the system. Now he needs to go to prison!”
That “stream of new charges” includes counts of driving without a valid license, violating his probation, defrauding a drug test and tampering with evidence, according to FCSO.
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