Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon joke about Greg Pence's no vote on solving Mike Pence's attempted murder

"Last night the House voted 252-175 to form a commission that would investigate the Jan. 6 Capitol riots," Jimmy Fallon said on Thursday's Tonight Show. "Not only did 175 Republicans vote against the commission, they also want to make Jan. 6 'Bring Your Insane Rioter to Work Day.'" The commission bill "now heads to the Senate, where it needs support of 10 Republicans," he said. "Come on, there's a better chance of 10 dentists supporting Mountain Dew Cake Smash." "Get this, Mike Pence's brother Greg Pence voted no," Fallon laughed. "People said, 'Don't you care that they tried to kill your brother?' And he was like 'No's before bros!' That will make for a fun family barbecue this summer: 'Mother, ask Judas how he wants his meat patty.'" The Late Show suggested this year's Pence Thanksgiving will be awkward, to the tune of Sister Sledge's "We Are Family." Apparently, "Republicans don't want to find out why they were almost murdered because it could hurt them politically," believing "a Jan. 6 probe could undercut their midterm message," Stephen Colbert sighed at The Late Show. Rep. Tim Ryan's (D-Ohio) explained his bafflement at this strategy on the House floor. "Wow, what an impassioned speech," Colbert marveled. "That guy should run for president." (The joke is, he just did.) "The new new thing in Washington now that's dividing Congress is the mask mandate in the House of Representatives — Democrats want it, so Republicans, naturally, don't," Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. "It look a while, but we finally found the one thing House Republicans aren't willing to cover up: their faces. And the main reason these masks are still needed, the only reason they need them on the floor of the House, is because less than half of House Republicans are vaccinated." He explained how certain unvaccinated people are total "freeloaders." Jeff Bezos is auctioning off a seat on his Blue Origin space tourism flight, and the current high bid is $2.8 million, Kimmel said. "Who has $2.8 million and might need to get off the planet fast?" Maybe the rich guy in deepening legal peril. Donald Trump will "finally get to meet all the illegal aliens he's been screaming about," he joked. The former president's former lawyer suggested he'll feed his kids to the wolves to save his own skin, Kimmel said. "The saddest part is going to be when Trump forgets to pin a crime on Tiffany." More stories from theweek.comAngelina Jolie stands perfectly still, unshowered, covered in bees for World Bee DayWhat the left gets wrong about the Israel-Palestine conflictTexas executes Quintin Jones for 1999 murder, says it forgot to let the media witness execution

Ohio Democrat Tim Ryan raises Benghazi, slams GOP for opposing bipartisan Capitol riot commission

Thirty-five Republicans joined all House Democrats in voting Wednesday to establish an independent bipartisan commission to investigate the Jan. 6 siege on the U.S. Capitol, but 175 House Republicans voted no. Right before the vote, Rep. Tim Ryan (D-Ohio) thanked his Republican colleagues who supported the commission and slammed the rest. "Benghazi, you guys chased the former secretary of state all over the country, spent millions of dollars — we have people scaling the Capitol, hitting the Capitol Police with lead pipes across the head, and we can't get bipartisanship!?" Ryan shouted, throwing up his hands. "What else has to happen in this country?" He called GOP opposition to the commission "a slap in the face to every rank-and-file cop in the United States," adding: "We need two political parties in this country that are both living in reality, and you ain't one of 'em." Wow Tim Ryan has had enough — Acyn (@Acyn) May 19, 2021 The commissions fate now lies in the Senate, where 10 Republicans have to vote yes — a prospect dimmed by Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) coming out against the new panel earlier Wednesday. He called the legislation "slanted and unbalanced" and said another investigation of the Jan. 6 insurrection would be superfluous. Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.) accused McConnell and other Republicans of kowtowing to former President Donald Trump, whose actions would be scrutinized by the commission. The 10-member commission would be split evenly between Democratic and GOP appointees, the commissioners would have equal subpoena power, and there would be no predetermined findings or conclusions. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) held up a lettter from House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.) during the debate, saying he had requested those three parameters in writing. McCarthy had deputized Rep. John Katko (R-N.Y.) to negotiate the commission's parameters, and he did. Rep. Don Bacon (R-Neb.), who voted for the commission, explained afterward he had done so because Democrats "basically gave us what we wanted." Rep. Jim McGovern (D-Mass.) underscored the bipartisanship of the commission and said Republicans voting against the commission are afraid of Trump. McConnell and McCarthy's attempts to sink the commission "are the latest evidence of the party's continued loyalty to Trump," The Washington Post suggests, "and the fear among its leaders that crossing him will imperil their positions and the GOP's efforts to win back both houses of Congress next year." More stories from theweek.comStephen Breyer is delusional about the Supreme CourtKidney donor and recipient meet after a chance encounter onlineMarjorie Taylor Greene and Matt Gaetz are more popular among GOP voters than Liz Cheney